20-odd mins at a clinic

12:20 PM

Me: "Is the doctor here?"

Irritated Receptionist: "He's not there"

12: 22 PM

I spot the doctor in his seat and go back.

Me: "Are you free now, Doctor?"

Irritated Receptionist: "I told you, no? Come back between 7pm-9pm"

Me: "Fine"

7:00 PM

Me: "Can I meet the doctor now?"

Irritated Receptionist: "Yes"

There's a whole soccer team waiting in front of me to meet the doctor.

After waiting for 15 mins, 2 teenagedgirls who seemed to know the receptionist walk in....

5 mins later, they call the the receptionist there and she stares at me and says "You haven't taken an appointment!"

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: "I walked in twice in the morning...once again now, no? Did u even once say anything about an appointment???"

Irritated Receptionist: "I was on the phone when you walked in"

(btw, she was not!)

Me: "This is really stupid..."

Irritated Receptionist: "WHO is stupid?"

(Ehh!!!???)

Me (since she asked): "Duh! Of course you are stupid...screw you!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walk up to the nearest hospital and ask for an appointment with the concerned doctor when he is available.

No guesses for the reply!

Receptionist # 2: "No appointment...just come in at 630 PM on Monday!"

Guinea pig for Murphy's Law experiment

"Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way" - Murphy's Law (version 3.0 (?))

I was actually planning to call this post 'Bangalore to Bangalore (via Mangalore)' but decided against it cos' it wouldn't do justice in describing my Mangalore (mis-) adventure.

Unable to land a good date in Bangalore to give the TOEFL test, I had to settle for Mangalore - a city located a good 350+ km away from Bangalore.

(Why do I have to give TOEFL? Supposedly to let schools abroad know how good my English is as a 'Foreign Language'.... And to note that most Indian students have studied in English all through their academic life!)

The journey is supposed to be 7-8 hours but took a good 11 hours thanks to awful roads, an accident on the way and to top it all off, a strike in Mangalore which brought traffic to a standstill for miles.

First time in Mangalore and I was too dazed to get into 'observation mode' but I couldn't help but notice how nice the three-wheeler drivers in the city were. Clocking Rs.17/- on the meter, I gave the driver a Rs.20/- note. The guy actually started fumbling for change to return Rs. 3/-. Impressive! ( In Bangalore, you would have to demand your change even for a Rs.50/-)

I had to report at the test centre at 4:00 PM. Reached there at 3:30 itself.

And then, the nightmare began.

I was one of the first to be let into take the test (there were about 25 others) but guess what let me down??? The microphone input volume was on 'mute' and there was no way the test-taker could adjust anything once he/ she has been logged in to the test screen.

After repeated attempts to get the System Administrator (who seemed clueless) to do something about it, we found out that the ETS server had crashed too.

Brilliant!

The organizer(s) were running around frantically between various rooms only to come back and inform us that the test would be rescheduled.

Argh!

And then much later, there was a ray of hope. The server was alive and kicking again. Only to be let down by the fact that most computers still had their mic input volume on mute!!!

There were temperatures rising, pissed off faces, agitated souls....

Finally around 6:30, we started the 'test'!

I've written thousands of tests but nothing will ever come close to way this one tested my patience.

Geez!

After finishing the test at 2230 and walking half-way to the hotel before I could find a 3-wheeler, the Hotel informs me,"no food left".

Pfff!

I walked up the road and found one restaurant open and must say I managed to get a good thali at that hour. However my joy was shortlived. In no time, the restaurant owner started switching off the lights and brace yourself, the waiters turned up with brooms, mops and buckets of water. And without a warning, there was soapy water all over the floor.

Bon appetite, eh?

I tried to make my way out without eating the ice-cream which arrived with the waiter's finger dipped in it (yeow!)..but they were nice enough (!) to insist that I finish the ice-cream!!

Phew!

2 steps out of the hotel and it starts pouring!!!! And it poured real heavy......there were rats, dogs, cockroaches, centipedes, used paper cups and slippers dancing around in the rain.

And if you think I am kidding, NO I'm not!

After an eventful evening, I somehow made my way back to the hotel room completely drenched. Only to be welcomed with a power cut!

GRRRRRRRR!

The return journey the next day was pretty eventful too. Boarded a 11:00 AM bus. A few B-grade Hindi songs, a couple of movies and a lunch break later, the bus stopped bang on the highway and the conductor announced "those who want to pass urine, please get down.." (yes! yes! that's what he said)

Among the many men who got off the bus, there was a woman who returned completely pissed (no pun intended). Wish the conductor could keep in mind that women can't just stand by the road-side and do their thing!

Anyways, when the bus did stop at a proper place, I had to encounter a perpetually flushing urinal and 3 men waiting behind me in a queue for their turn. For some strange reason, I had Queen/David Bowie's 'Under Pressure' ringing in my head all the while :D

I was hoping to reach Bangalore by 7/ 8 PM (Heh! The dreamer that I am!).... Reached the city at 9:15 PM only to be welcomed by heavy rain, horrible traffic and two bouncer-like 3-wheeler drivers blocking the pre-paid 3-wheeler counter. Obviously this lilliput of me didn't get past them. Had to argue with the available 3-wheeler drivers about the exhorbitant amounts they quoted.

Playing on potential passengers' helplessness in the given weather conditions and manipulating their vulnerability, the drivers quote unrealistic figures

Here's a sample:

Me: "Kammanahalli..How much?" ((It usually costs about Rs. 70/- to get home from the stand)

Driver: "Rs. 200 /-"

Me: "Are you flying me home in a jet for that price????"

Driver: "Haha! No...it's raining. So you have to pay more......"

Glad it's all over!

Remembering a great human being...

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did, but
people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Until a couple of years back, most of my weekends in Bangalore involved discussing the week's happenings over a cup of tea with my Grand dad. Aging but young at heart, he was a wonderful human being - a model citizen, a true family man and a great role model for generations to follow. Be it the stories about his time in the Indian Army or be it the advice he gave, there was an aura of sincerity around him that I really miss now. I haven't come across another gentleman as praiseworthy as him. I miss having him around but am glad I have his blessings.I aspire to live my life at least a tad bit like this great man did.

Thanks for all the great times, Achan.

Indian media, get a life!

Please stop fussing so much about the arrest of Bollywood actors!

How many news channels have carried a story highlighting "Justice delayed is justice denied"?

How many channels have dared to ask the judiciary why it takes so long to mete out a punishment?

14 years.... yea... 14 years after the Mumbai blasts, Sanjay Dutt goes to jail.

- Should'nt he have been given his full-term ages back?

- What is this instalment business? (First the judges sentence him to 1.5 yrs and once he's a reformed model citizen, they send him back all over again for a second term...)

Driving under the influence of alcohol, Salman Khan gets away after running over a man (and killing him) with his Landcruiser (?). Does any news channel talk about this anymore????

And 6 years after he is accused of killing the endangered black buck, Salman gets his term!!! How many news channels are reporting the present status of the endangered species???

And just in case, you are from a news channel, here's a story for you:

WTF!

Prepare to be shocked. Here are some appaling facts:

- The Indian Penal Code does not recognise Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) as an offense (It is only by application of certain other Indian Penal Code provisions that a child sexual offender can be punished)

- According to a 2007 study by the Ministry of Women and Child Welfare on Child Abuse in India, every second child in the country is subjected to some kind of sexual abuse (Every fifth child faces severe sexual abuse)

- The study also found that 41.20 per cent of the girls in Uttar Pradesh are subjected to sexual abuse and 50 percent of this happens at the hands of people known to them.

Read more here

Geez! I'm not even sure what I should be writing in here.

I've seen my friend go through a traumatic teenage life thanks to a history of repeated abuse as a 5-6 yr old (Yes! She too was abused by someone close to her family)

Child abuse is criminal. It's the worst thing anyone can face and I dare to say that paedophiles are the scum of the earth.

How on earth can the laws of a land let them get away after robbing a child of his/ her innocence?

Customer Service - At the Bank

Week 1

Me: "Hi..I need a new Netbanking PIN"

Bank: "Sure Sir...please fill this form. You will recieve it in 4 working days"

Week 3

Me: "Hi..I still haven't received my new Netbanking PIN"

Bank: "Sure Sir...please fill this form. You will recieve it in 4 working days"

Me: "I already filled that form...It's been 2 weeks"

Week 5

I call up the support desk and after spending 20 mins on the phone, get my new phonebanking and netbanking PINs.

Week 8

The door bell rings. It's the courier guy!

The envelope says Private and confidential.

Uhhhhh!?? Another netbanking PIN?

Even better!

"We are pleased to have you as our esteemed customer. We have regenerated your ATM/ DEBIT CARD PIN as requested!!!!"

Pfffff!

Of course black is beautiful!

An excerpt from an article I came across on AdAge today....

'Najoh Tita Reid, Multicultural Marketing Director for Procter & Gamble Co. has one of those classic childhood stories from when she was 4 or 5. One of her white friends wouldn't let her white doll play with Ms. Reid's black doll, which she termed "ugly". Then her friend pointed out the doll's resemblance to Ms. Reid, who went home crying.

P&G is about to launch a new multi-brand campaign called 'My Black is Beautiful' - The campaign's goal is to make all black girls and women feel that way regardless of skin tone or origin'

It's time we had a campaign like that in the Indian subcontinent. Or something even on the lines of the brilliant Dove Evolution (Campaign for real beauty).

I subscribe to the cliche that 'every woman is beautiful in her own way'. Beauty is a lot more than skin color.

I've had this discussion umpteen times with friends and family and always thought the Fair and Lovely ads were demeaning. And imagine being told I would have to handle that very same account when my colleague left the agency (in Sri Lanka)!

Pfffff!! Grudgingly handling the FAL account, I did my time!

As far as I know, ads for skin lightening creams for women are off air in India now. Actually, I haven't seen any in the last 2 months.

And just when I thought women preferred the 'Tall, dark and handsome" types, there came along a certain Mr.Shah Rukh Khan endorsing skin-lightening products (for men).

Amusing!

Who's gonna ban those ads, eh? :D

Infection Alert

An edited version of the 'Viral Advertising' presentation I put together while at Lowe LDB, Colombo.

MASsive letdown

Hmpf!

MAS is out..............for now!!

Disgrace

Visit this link to find out!

International Children's Care - Sri Lanka

Nestled away in the scenic village of Mailapitiya (24 km south of Kandy, Sri Lanka) is a wonderful non-profit, non-government organisation called ICC (International Children's Care).

Going by the motto of "Caring...as your own", ICC SL provides a home for orphaned/ destitute children over the age of 6 years. The Home provides children with good education, vocational skills, character building and life skills; helping them lead their lives as responsible, self-sufficient future citizens.

"What's most heart-rending, is the sincere gratefulness the children display for having a roof over their heads and food to eat… They need a great deal of support and have no idea where it will come from."

If you're keen on sponsoring a child, making donations, volunteering, or if you just want to find out more about ICC SL, feel free to write to Brian/ Prabhook/ Manesh/ Dawn at iccsl@bellmail.lk

Unsung Heroes

As a kid, I remember leafing through the pages of magazines, studying the ads first and then reading the content. It was pretty clear I would end up in advertising some day. And what a brilliant time it's been so far!

However, upon reading an article by Ramanujam Sridhar, CEO of Brand-comm, I could strongly relate to what he was trying to say. He mentions an executive at his office who single-handedly organized a product launch for a client and yet the client didn't have a single word of praise for her. Disappointed, she left not only the agency but also the advertising business.

"People who have the capability to create history for their clients shouldn't end up consigned to the forgotten realms of history", says Sridhar.

Reminds me of the umpteen instances where young Account Executives (AEs) exceed expectatons on the agency/ clients' businesses. And in the event of success, more often that not, the client pats only the Account Manager/ Creative Director's back.

Account Executives are the 'Unsung Heroes' in the Marketing Communications' business.

They do the most amount of work at any agency and yet they are given the least amount of respect/ importance. Somehow, most seniors in the industry feel "AEs can be easily replaced".

Yea right! And these are the same seniors who keep ranting about a talent crunch in the business!

Try these steps to make a difference:

#01: Pay AEs better.
#02: Big deal if they don't have MBAs. Give them a chance. you'll be surprised how well the passionate ones will perform!
#03: Give them more respect!
#04: If your agency doesn't have a Planning department, empower your AEs with some planning skills. They'll love it and it'll work wonders for the brand/ creative product.
#05: Listen to them
#06: Encourage/ Motivate them to 'think'
#07: Pat their backs when their work is impressive
#08: Mentor them
#09: Try and give them a breather sometimes (You know how to use the photocopier/ fax machine too, right?)
#10: Give the AEs performance based incentives for heaven's sake.

To all the Account Executives around the world, Respect!

Argh!

Random person: "What are your plans now that you're back from SL?"

Yours Truly: "I love advertsing. The SL experience helped me fine tune what exactly i want out of my career"

Random person: "So what is it?"

Yours truly: "I enjoy inspiring creatives to come up with good ideas, I love understanding consumers and I'm really interested in internet marketing. I wanna be a planner"

Random person (rolls his/ her eyes): "Uh! So? you are going to become a journalist?"

Yours truly (stares at the ceiling): "What? No! I said I wanna be a planner. I wanna study Account Planning at Miami Ad School"

Random person (confused by now): "Everyone's doing an MBA! Why don't you also?"

Yours truly: "I better get going now!"

The Writer in me :)

• Rockin' in the park The Bangalore Habba Rock Show could have done with more publicity
  

• Rock on, dudes The state of the rock scene in town may draw some head banging (on the walls), but let's not conclude that our bands aren't rocking

• Liquid rock Motherjane is one of India's leading rock bands, with an album of rocking original tunes

• India calling Get initiated into the land and lingo of the country's night watchmen
  

• Trip to heaven and back News from the east of Sri Lanka is not always pleasant, but tucked away amid all the strife is a paradise called Trincomalee

Thanks but No Thanks!

Looks like in the year or so I've been away from India, telecom marketers here have become more annoying than ever.

I keep wondering if it's just Airtel or if it's the other services too!

I'm absolutely bugged with the number of times my new Airtel account sends me the following msg :

"Make the most of this weekend, chat along, make new friends, and find that special someone...login to mobile chat now! Call 696 and get going!"

Grrrrrr!

And that's not all!

The other day I had a missed call when I came out of the shower. When I called back the #, I just kept getting a voice-over which said "This is not a valid #. Please check and dial again!"

The same number called me again in the evening and it was a recorded voice offering me something I didn't even care about!

Gotta block this no. : +91 98802 86018

Tsk! Tsk!

What Freedom means to me....

My Way (Not the Highway)

My Way…
Is riddled with stones!
The going is rough,
A test to see how tough I can be!

The Highway…
Ain’t my cup of tea!
Just a posse of cars trailing each other at breakneck speeds.

I am the driver of my destiny!

Ironically I walk, I hitchhike,
I hop on to the most unexpected modes of transport,
I observe,
Helps me glean from others who’re living a life no less ordinary!

My mind wavers too,
I flirt with the highway at times,
Only to head back to My Way,
It’s going to take me far away!

News on TV = Nuisance

Quite honestly, I'm bugged with all the Indian news channels on the Telly!

It pretty much validates why the TV is called the 'Idiot Box'. No prizes for guessing who the idiots are!

Here's the proof:

1. The news channels can't even tell the difference between 'breaking news' and 'BREAKING NEWS'

Sample the below listed:

- "Former auto rickshaw driver and Canteen contractor own 50 foreign cars - CBI" (Geez! And I wonder how many accidents took place at the same time elsewhere in India and no one was bothered to cover them as 'breaking news')

- 'Prostitution racket involving Uzbek girls busted in Mumbai'
(It is newsworthy. But is it worth all the airtime??? I was under the impression there are various other topics which deserve 'breaking news' status!)


2. Is there one private news channel which devotes 1o minutes of airplay to the 'hearing impaired'? (You can argue that the crawling news bars take care of that. But hey! that's just the headlines!)

The only channel I can recollect caring about the 'hearing impaired' is Doordarshan. As a kid, I remember intently observing that bulletin.

3. STOP SCREAMING, 'Mr. BIGWIG at CNN-IBN'! (Like my friend says, "We have the volume control on our remotes! We will turn up th volume when required")

4. For heaven's sake, stop putting household problems on TV for public scrutiny. (No kid wants to walk into school after having been featured in a war of words between their step mother and genetic mother!)

5. Bipasha will kiss whomever she wants.( Stop making asses out of yourselves with takes like "Ronaldo aur Bipasha ka chumban". WTF????)

The Agnostic Front

6 AM
Bangalore

“Kowsalya supraja Rama poorva sandhya pravarthathe
Uthishta narasardoola karthavyam daivamahnikam”

The enchanting voice of MS Subbulakshmi makes its way through the crisp chilly air of my city. I hear birds chirping and temple bells chiming. It isn’t time to wake up yet but there’s no way I’m going to sleep through this setting.

Starting off with the ‘Suryanamaskara’, I begin my then daily routine of yoga.

Refreshing! In fact the word doesn’t do enough justice in describing the state of mind one can achieve through this form of meditation.

After a busy day in school, I make my way back home.

Come 6 PM, I wash my hands and feet. It’s time to check the oil and light the traditional brass lamp in our wall-mounted ‘mantapa’ – an alternative to the luxurious puja room seen in other apartments.

Colorful images of various Hindu Gods and Goddesses adorn the mantapa. Making circular movements with the lit incense stick in hand, I pray silently. Eyes closed; bowing my head I repeat “Bhavatu Sarva Mangalam” thrice and smear holy powder on my forehead.

Fast-forward to today. My profile on Facebook reads: Religious views – Agnostic.

One might wonder if we are talking about the same individual described in earlier paragraphs.

“What happened to the kid who grew up embracing religion?”

Life. Life is what happened to the kid.

Exposure to the media - reading reports on merciless killings, poverty, discrimination, religious intolerance and through my own experiences, the kid in me grew up.

I started wondering what’s gone wrong with the world. Whatever happened to living in harmony? Why is everyone tweaking and distorting what the prophets preached? All for ulterior motives?

Did God betray me? Or was I always living in my own ‘make believe’ world? Or was it culture and society that brought me up with high expectations only to scandalize me with reality?

I don’t know.

I look around at all the troubles which people around me face. I appreciate the lengths they go to in order to speak to their Gods: be it offerings or be it the physical and mental endurance they display in climbing arduous mountains, in crossing dangerous rivers; all the while bearing hostile weather conditions.

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if all positive religious zeal had constructive consequences for mankind? Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if all religions could appreciate and tolerate others too?

So many questions. Where are the answers?

For all the beauty that exists around us, I believe there exists a supreme power which controls the universe but I disagree that the power has a form, color or religion.

Hence, God and I decided that we need a break from each other. I felt I could take care of myself and that I had to let Him go take care of the needy.

In more ways than one, my relationship with God is like the one with my first love: Special, magical, intense - while it lasted. We moved on. But years later when we meet each other, we will still connect.

“How ‘bout coffee tomorrow evening, God?” :)

War and Pieces

A bullet in your face.
A grenade in your base.
A war to wipe out your race.
Think they will be gone without a trace?

Off the wall

Down Stratford Street,
(they say) "curl up and die"..
A new day will dawn,
A better tomorrow will come!
Sleeping on your back,
What do you believe in?
Use your heart,
Make a wish, thrice!
Face to face,
walking with thee...
He was no Saint,
He's just a spray away!

For L****

No sides to take,
I’m just a passer-by.
No emotions to fake,
I’m just a ‘natural’.

Who am I to decide what’s just and what’s not?

With a brave face,
I see myself through.

I’m burning up inside.
But, what about you who’s charred?

Untitled

Hey Mirror!
What is this I see?
A form so familiar,
I reckon I’m right!

Along the way,
Distinctions have been dissolved.

Just another face…

A boon or a bane?
Can’t say for sure.

Them Chains

Roots- I’m proud to be tied to.
I say “Thank you!”

Wings – my chance to fly,
You gave me those too.

My wings take flight…
Only to be yanked back to the ground by chains.

Can you picture my plight?

Bound by ‘em chains,
No matter what I do,
I will never break free!

MetalheadMusing

The years I lost, flash back in a few seconds.

They re-appear under brilliant strobe lights.

Dreams and hopes which died, come alive in this staged setting.

I just am on the wrong side of the stage.

With no way to bring back the years I lost, I put on a reluctant smile.

The Man with the shell

Greying hair,
Aching bones,
I sit here in despair,
Speaking to you in hushed tones.

Why this misery?
Oh, what have I done wrong?
Hurts more than slavery,
Will I ever be strong?

DON'T Stare,
They say "All's well",
What do 'they' care,
'bout 'The Man with the Shell'?